* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * LATEST POEMS * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Saturday, 6 February 2016

Tuesday, 12 January 2016


I need to escape these feelings
not plug them in
can’t watch another tribute
the mysterious is too familiar

words mean nothing
the river runs deeper
this boat needs to float

blue suit or androgynous rainbow
bleached blonde or layered red
that same face those same eyes
those different eyes

I sing softly to myself
about cactus and starmen
and turn off the tv
and silence the clocks
until time changes
and I can turn to face the strange 

Monday, 25 May 2015

Obituary: Sir Terry Pratchett (1948 -2015)

We’d like to think the Valkyries have come
and taken you carousing in their halls
or you are sitting now in Death’s domain
as the final grain of sand pratfalls.
We want you to live on and yes, you do,
embedded in the stories that you wrote
so we can pick the books up once again
and find you still there scrawling the footnotes.
But you were more than this: a man who spoke
out for the right to die. The right to choose.
The right for dying species to live on.
Your name will still be spoken - G.N.U.   
Your next adventure leads you through Death’s door.
Now write the story you’ve been waiting for.  

HTML tag (X-Clacks-Overhead: GNU Terry Pratchett)

Saturday, 4 April 2015

Jezza's Job

So, Jezza!, Lost your job? Well join the crowd
of jobseekers all on the dole. What, no?
You don’t need handouts, thank you? Lucky you!
No doubt you’ve something else lined up to do?
Not really one of us then after all;
you won’t be standing with us in the queue
on Monday morning hoping for a chance
to get shortlisted for an interview.
I’m guessing Channel 5 or even Sky
will want a controversial chap like you,
whilst we obey the rules and take the knocks -
not give them out to colleagues, like you do.
     ‘He speaks for us! He’s just like us,’ they cry.
     Yep, unemployed. On that bombshell – goodbye!

Wednesday, 20 August 2014

Response to mass letter sent to the voting public from Mr Cameron

Dear Mr Cameron, I’ve received your letter
saying the economy’s getting better
and how our mortgages are staying low.

I rent this house in case you didn’t know
and haven’t had a payrise in five years
whilst the rate of interest on my ISA
means my savings have no chance to grow.

It’s nice, despite my fears, to see you mention
I’ll have more leeway how I spend my pension;
I’m planning to buy cheaper beans from Aldi
and download blackleg versions of Vivaldi.

I’m very pleased you’ve asked what I would like,
providing boxes I might want to tick in,
but notice that there’s no space on the page
to write my extra comments. What’s the fricking
point of asking me for my opinion
when the choices are not those I'd vote on
and irrelevant to my position?

The boxes that I would prefer to choose from
would concern what I think Mr Cameron
should do? a) drop dead? or b) go to hell?
or c) resign? or d) let someone else
have a go at sorting out this mess?

In short I'd like it if you shoved your spin
up somewhere other than my rubbish bin.

Tuesday, 8 October 2013

The Cabinet Shuffle

Lets all do the Cabinet shuffle
(step to the Left, jump to the Right)
Sidestep all the real kerfuffle
(shimmy to the left, wiggle to the right)

Battle through the media scuffle
(Star to the Left, Mail to the Right)
When they ask a question, waffle
(stretch to the left, bend to the right)

Do it like they do in Brussels
(kiss to the left, bise to the right)
Do the Bump and do the Hustle
(twerk to the left, twank to the right)

So take your partners, strut your stuff (all
drift to the left, shift to the right)
and Breakdance to the cabinet shuffle
(twist to the left, spin to the right)

Thursday, 6 June 2013


Incorporating the 18 obsolete words from the article by Carmel Lobello in Death and Taxes online magazine, available at: http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/195348/18-obsolete-words-which-should-have-never-gone-out-of-style/

Thou bookwright! Honest worker thou art not!
No soda-squirt all day upon his feet!
No curglaff wakes thee to thy morning’s draft,
but gently into day sat on thy arse.
Spermologer, beef-witted in thy writ

that renders englishable witless phrase 
and jirbles tyromancy on thy page.
Thou groakest at the world without true bite
in pussyvan at
A queerplunger doth labour more than thou,
thou sloth in lunting slouch! Get thee a trade!
Support thy snoutfair wonder-wench with squirrel,
that zafty california widow who
inspires thy drivel! Get thee honest work!

beef-witted: Having an inactive brain from eating too much beef.
bookwright: An author; a term of slight contempt.
California widow: A wife whose husband is away for any extended period.
curglaff: The shock felt when one first plunges into the cold water.
englishable: That which may be rendered into English
groak: To silently watch someone eating, hoping to be invited to join them.
jirble: To pour a liquid with an unsteady hand.
lunting: Walking while smoking a pipe.
pussyvan: A flurry, temper.
queerplungers: Con-artists, scammers.
resistentialism: Seemingly spiteful behavior shown by inanimate objects.
snoutfair: A person with a handsome countenance.
soda-squirt: One who works at a soda fountain in New Mexico
spermologer: A picker-up of trivia, a gossip monger.
tyromancy: Superstition of divining by the coagulation of cheese.
with squirrel: Pregnant.
wonder-wench: A sweetheart.
zafty: A person very easily imposed upon

Tuesday, 30 April 2013

God Bless Google

‘Google is now regarded as being as trustworthy as religious institutions, according to a new survey of Britons.’ (Sky News, 30th April 2013)

Our Google Docs that art up in the Cloud,
hallowed be thy synchronisation.
Thy Gmail come,
thy Searchbar be done
in Google Earth as it is in Google Chrome.
Give us this day our daily animation
and forgive us our typos
as we forgive them
that don’t spellcheck their websites.
And lead us not into eBay
but deliver us to Google Wallet,
for thine is Google Page Rank,
Google Maps and GoogleApps
forever in the ether.


Monday, 29 April 2013


When the barley straw
in the pond de-composes,
frogs will hip hop back.

Thursday, 25 April 2013

Darwin’s Goldfish

‘Meet Aussie the goldfish who swims upside down’
(The Daily Mail 08/08/08)

Even the goldfish
are starting to rebel,
swimming upside down,
bored with the status quo.
The rest of us wish
for alternatives as well,
but walking upside down
is probably not the way to go.

A sideways leap?
An idealistic rebound?
Or shall we all just go on swimming
this way up and round and round?

I'm afraid the human race
Has missed it's niche.
It appears we’ve been
out-angled by a goldfish.

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